


Keeping Up With the Avengers

by floating_roomba



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Clint is in the vents, Documentaries, Domestic Avengers, I can't do tags, Keeping up with the kardashians esque, Old-Fashioned Steve Rogers, Pasta, Precious Peter Parker, Reality TV, YouTube, natasha is angry, no beta we die like loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29022855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_roomba/pseuds/floating_roomba
Summary: The video begins with a close up of Peter's face. He appears to be walking fast, and smiling widely at the camera. "Have you ever wondered what the Avengers do when they're not being awesome and saving cities? Well, now you'll know, on…"The screen blackens. Suddenly, the words Keeping Up With The Avengers show up, with Directed By Peter Parker written below it.OR:Peter Parker gets his hands on a camera.I don't even know when this is set, all I know is all the Avengers are living together happily.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 14
Kudos: 119





	Keeping Up With the Avengers

The video begins with a close up of Peter's face. He appears to be walking fast, and smiling widely at the camera. "Have you ever wondered what the Avengers do when they're not being awesome and saving cities? Well, now you'll know, on…" 

The screen blackens. Suddenly, the words _Keeping Up With The Avengers_ show up, with _Directed By Peter Parker_ written below it.

There is a short introduction, with some pictures of the Avengers that will be featured in it, such as Black Widow, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, The Hulk, Thor, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes, Vision, Wanda, and maybe some appearances from Doctor Strange, Thor, Black Panther, Spider-Man, Ant-Man, The Wasp, and many others.

**[CUT]**

The camera gets a wide shot of the living quarters. Wanda is in the kitchen with Vision. All of a sudden Wanda yells, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" and then we hear a crash. The camera moves closer, and we hear Peter ask, "What's going on?"

Wanda is filling up a cup of cold water and Vision is laying on the ground, muttering nonsense. Wanda looks over at the camera, glaring. "This idiot decided it would be a good idea to park himself in front of the pasta pot while he searches the database for good sauce recipes. Next thing you know, he set himself on fire and his circuits are a bit melted." Without looking, she stirs the pasta with her weird red energy and then dumps the glass of water on Vision.

"Should we bring him to Mr. Stark?" Peter asks uncertainly. 

Wanda scoffs, then picks up Vision with her powers, and walks in the direction of medbay. "That would be smart, wouldn't it?" She looks back. "Are you recording?"

**[CUT]**

The first thing we see is Vision lying on the medbay table, blinking rapidly. We hear Tony's voice asking in a confused tone, "So what happened?" 

The camera moves up to Wanda. "He melted his brain," Wanda explains, "while we were cooking pasta. He was standing over the pasta pot and the heat got to him." Her eyes widen. "The pasta!" She runs out of the room.

"I still don't know why I'm here." Dr. Banner says as the camera zooms in on him and we see him looking down at Vision. 

Tony looks at Vision, who has begun vibrating, then up at Bruce. "Because you're a doctor!" 

Bruce inhales, then pinches his nose, brows furrowed. "First of all, Tony, I am a scientist, not a doctor. And second of all, I am tired of fixing things that I don't actually know how to fix for you! I'm taking a vacation! Your robot, your problem." And with that, he walked out the door.

"And that's the tea," Peter says.

Vision sits up suddenly, and says, "My monkey is goo," in a reassuring tone. He frowns. "That is pie what I sofa."

Tony makes his Tired Dad Face™, and we hear Peter's voice say, "Have you tried turning him off and on again?"

**[CUT]**

Bruce is sitting on a sofa, legs crossed. "Okay, maybe I overreacted a bit, but I'm tired of Tony and the other Avengers turning to me when what they need is a real medical professional! Like that one time with the rash," Bruce says with a shudder, "and that other time when Sam fell from the roof of Clint's house after Bucky pushed him off because Sam ripped his arm off, the metal one, thankfully, and that other time when Steve forgot to eat, oh, and that one time Clint had an upset stomach while him and Nat were on a mission-"

**[CUT]**

Tony has Vision flipped over on his back, his control panel open, and is replacing some circuits. The video speeds up, showing Tony welding, drinking coffee, and recalibrating Vision. When it slows down again, Vision's control panel is closed, and he is sitting on the table, flexing his fingers experimentally.

"Feeling better?" Tony asked cautiously, patting Vision on the back.

Vision nodded. "Si. Soy bueno." His eyes widened. "¿Por qué hablo español? ¡No puedo parar!" 

Tony stared at Vision in shock. "Wow, we really messed up."

"He says he can't stop speaking in Spanish and and he doesn't know why," Peter interjected from behind the camera.

"Yeah, I figured," Tony said, sitting down in his chair and taking a big swig of coffee. 

Tony's attention turned towards Peter. "Wait. Kid. Were you recording?"

"Yeah?" 

"Can I rewatch the tapes?" Tony says, coming towards the camera.

The camera shakes, and we hear Peter fumbling with it. "Su-"

**[CUT]**

The camera is now focused on Peter's face as he runs down the hall. "Okay, so Mr. Stark told me to go bug someone else, so I guess I'll go bug Steve."

The camera flips, and we see Steve eating a watermelon using a spoon at the kitchen counter. He has a serene smile on his face, and it gets wider when he sees Peter coming towards him. "Hi, Queens," Steve says, patting the seat next to him. "Come sit."

We see the camera move closer, and then it is propped up on something so we can see both Steve and Peter sitting at the table. "What's going on, Mr. Rogers?" Peter asks. "Anything exciting happening?"

Steve puts down his spoon, smiling. "First of all, you can call me Steve. Second… nothing really exciting has happened today. But this," he says, gesturing to the watermelon, "this brings back memories. Bucky used to buy a watermelon, and we would split it. You see, watermelons were a rare treat back in my day, and really expensive, so-"

All of a sudden, Peter jumps up from his seat, fumbling for the camera. "Did you hear that?" Peter asks, angling the camera so we get a beautiful shot of the vent on the ceiling.

We hear Steve's voice say, "No- OH GOD-" and then something large falls out of the vents on top of Peter, causing the camera to spin out of control. There is a crash and then-

**[CUT]**

  
The first thing we see is Steve's nose. He moves the camera away from his face, and we hear Peter say, "I' ta' camah flipped?" in a stuffy voice.

"How do you do that?" Steve asks, his expression confused. "Is it this thing? Or this thing?" he said, attacking the screen with his finger, until it eventually flipped.

Peter is pressing an ice pack to his eye with one hand, and a tissue to his nose with the other. Clint is sitting awkwardly on the couch across from Peter, cross-legged. 

"Sorry Peter," Clint says, drumming his fingers on his legs. "I guess I put too much weight on the vent. I'm usually careful about that stuff."

"I' ok," Peter said, smiling. 

"Why were you in the vent anyways?" Steve asked, obviously confused. 

Clint blinked, and then his eyes widened. "Oh god. I was running away from Nat." He stood up from his seat. "I gotta get out of here. I gotta-"

All of a sudden, Natasha ran into the room, jumped over the table, and tackled Clint. Peter jumped up from his seat, obviously startled.

"HEY!" Steve yelled, placing the camera down on the table behind him so that we get a view of what is going on. "Peter, sit back down," Steve said as Peter flopped back into his seat.

Steve ran over to Nat and Clint, and pried them apart. Nat glared at Steve. "You don't wanna get involved in this, Rogers, trust me." 

"No, what I don't want is two of our team members trying to kill each other. I already have enough trouble with Sam and Bucky as it is." He pointed at the couch. "Sit."

Natasha sat down on one end of the couch sulkily, and Clint balanced on the armrest on the other end of the couch, obviously trying to get as far away from Nat as possible. 

"What is going on? What did Clint do?" Steve asked Nat. 

"He stole my ice cream."

"This is about ice cream?!" 

"It had my name on it!"

Clint stood up. "Okay, first of all, I didn't steal your ice cream!"

Natasha scoffs. "Oh really? Then why right after you walked out of the kitchen, my ice cream was gone?"

"I don't know?!" Clint says, defensive. "Maybe they jumped out the window."

"Okay, if it wasn't you, then who stole my ice cream?" Nat asked, arms crossed.

"Ice cream?" says a voice. 

Steve runs over to the camera, and aims it at the doorway where the voice came from. "A development!" he narrates. Nat and Clint, who were walking over to the door, gave him a strange look. "What?" Steve exclaims. "It's for Peter!"

Sam steps into the room, holding a tub of ice cream with a spoon in it. "What about ice cream?"

Clint laughs evilly, pointing at Natasha. "Ha! It wasn't me!"

Nat pushes Clint away, muttering angrily. "Hey, Sam, is that yours?" she asks, gesturing towards the Rocky Road in Sam's hands. 

"I mean, it was in the kitchen fridge, so I thought-"

"Were you not listening when I put it in and told everyone that it was mine and that if they touched it they would be sorry?" Natasha asked innocently.

Sam shook his head. "Nah. I was winning at Sorry with Bucky, and I wasn't gonna let some weird ice cream announcement distract me from my victory."

"Oh, how nice. Now give it back." Nat deadpans, obviously annoyed.

Sam sighs, then hands the ice cream to Nat. He walks away, muttering under his breath, "I just can't have nice things here. All I wanted was some Rocky Road! But noooo…"

Clint clears his throat. "Hey, Nat, wanna split that?"

"No," she says, walking towards the kitchen, camera following her.

"What? Why not?" Clint whines.

Nat rummages through the silverware drawer, then victoriously holds up a spoon and plunges it into her ice cream. "I'm still mad about yesterday."

"Oh, come on. It was one rigged airhorn!" Clint complained, following Nat back into the hall. 

"I was knitting!"

Their voices fade off camera. Steve says, "And they all lived happily ever aft-"

**[CUT]**

The shot reopens at the dinner table. Tony, Steve, Peter, Wanda, Vision, and Sam are all sitting at the table, quietly digging into the pasta.

We hear Peter clear his throat from behind the camera. "This pasta is really good."

Wanda stabs the pasta with her fork. "It cooked for too long." 

"Oh."

"So, where's everybody else?" Steve asks, obviously trying to spark a conversation.

"I believe that everybody except Dr. Banner, who has exited the premises, is in their quarters," Vision says. We see that he is awkwardly staring at his food, not knowing what to do.

Tony chuckles. "Banner finally had enough?" 

"He is currently in Central Park."

Steve sighs. "Tony, did you try to get him to solve someone's health problems again?" 

"Hey! Vision is a robot-"

"Android, sir," Vision interjects. 

"Okay, fine, android, and I thought Banner could help, because, you know, Vision's not exactly a person, but not a robot either-"

All of a sudden, there is a scream. The camera is directed at the window, where the scream came from, and then back to the table. Wanda sighs. "Does anyone wanna get that?"

"I will!" Peter's voice says, as the camera is placed on the table and footsteps thud away. "Can someone turn that off?"

A few seconds later, a crash is heard, and Tony exclaims, "Come on kid, not the window-" as Wanda picks up the camera and the screen turns to black.

**[CUT]**

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it! let me know in the comments if you want more, and give me some ideas!!


End file.
